by Shawn Bent
Did you ever have any fears as a child? Was it the fear of spiders, fear of heights or fear of the dark?
You’re not alone.
We’ve all had fears of something when we were kids. Some fears were bigger than others and some we grew out of completely.
Or did we?
Unfortunately, and in most cases, our childhood fears often turn into adulthood fears – fear of losing your job, fear of being homeless, fear of the unknown and so forth. Or maybe you’ve had bad experiences growing up that caused an unthinkable amount of fear. Then the fear became so bad that other parts of your life started to suffer and it prevented you from achieving what you really wanted out of life.
So how do you deal with it?
First, understand that it is perfectly human to feel fear. It has been part of our biological make-up for millions of years and is essential to our survival. You can’t erase it, but you can control it when it occurs.
Fear is just energy.
Fear is not just a static force that moves in a rigid straight line. It is energy that can be redirected into a direction of your choosing.
In other words, what fear does to you is a reflection on how you perceive it and also a reflection on how you see yourself.
The good news? Fear is actually good for you. It keeps you alert, prepares you for the worst and keeps you on top of your game.
The bad news? If you let fear weaken you, you become more vulnerable. One of my co-workers once said to me, “What you fear, you draw near." The more you fear something and the more you let the fear weaken you, the more you are likely to attract the situation that you don’t want into your life.
Is this making sense?
I once read somewhere that fear is an acronym standing for False Evidence Appearing Real. What this means is that fear is just in your head, an illusion of the mind. We think fear is real because we believe it is real. Fear is a recipe that you create and is often a result of the programming of negative images, feelings and self –talk upon yourself.
Here is an example.
One time I was watching a horror movie called “IT". It (no pun intended) is about a killer clown who terrorizes a small town by kidnapping and murdering children. A small group of kids then form a club (called Lucky “7") to fight the monster and rid the town of its evil.
In the second part of the movie when all the kids of Lucky “7" are adults, there is an interesting scene. It is the scene where they are all standing inside the monster’s hideout and a ghost appears. It is the ghost of Bill’s (one of the characters) little brother, having being killed several years earlier by the clown. The ghost taunts Bill by saying to him that it was his fault he died and that he never should’ve sent him out that day to play in the rain. Bill starts to submit to the taunts, but then his friends tell him to fight it. Bill does just that – he stands his ground and says with confidence that it wasn’t his fault.
What happens?
The ghost disappears.
The exact same thing happens when we confront our fears. They are ghosts floating in front of us. But if we stand up to them and not let them get the best of us, guess what?
They will disappear.
If you feed fear with your own negative energy, it will give it strength and overpower you. If you starve it, it will fade away like smoke being swept away by a gust of wind.
On that note, here are some tips to controlling your fear:
- Fear is your friend – Realize that fear is there to help you, not out to get you. It is energy that you create and is being directed by you. Use it for something constructive and not destructive.
- Re-live positive experiences – Think about many experiences you’ve had where you overcame fear. Re-live the rush and vigor of confidence you felt after doing the thing you feared. Many situations aren’t as bad as you think and it’s amazing how well they work out. Feel what it be like to overcome your upcoming fears and feel those feelings strongly. Not only will this control your fear, but also program your self-image to automatically have you succeed.
- It’s okay to be nervous- Those “butterflies" in your stomach are preparing you for the upcoming situation so you don’t fail. It’s up to you to acknowledge, understand and accept that.
- Face your fears- We have heard this saying time and time again, but it still remains true today. Look your fears square in the face with confidence and they will back down. If it is a big fear, take baby steps to overcome it.
- Don’t spend so much time thinking and planning – This will only make the fear worse and prevent you from taking action. Be flexible and improvise as you go along when the situation comes. You’re never 100% fully prepared for a situation because it will always throw a curve ball at you. Don’t worry about making mistakes – that is how you learn and it will make you more powerful for the next time. Congratulate yourself for taking action and least doing something.
- Identify the worst that could possibly happen – This is most likely causing the fear. Once you do that, focus on the best that could possibly happen. Write out some courses of action to solve the problem. Realize that nothing and no one can defeat you unless you allow them to.
So there you have it – some quick tips on controlling your fear. A good book to consult on this subject would be “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie. It contains fascinating tips on how to conquer worry and fear and it can be found in many bookstores and on amazon.com (or amazon .ca).
When you learn to control fear, a whole new world of possibilities opens up to you. As the saying goes, “You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."
Do this, and it will result in Fear Evaporating And Retreating.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shawn Bent is a writer who lives in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. He specializes in Reflective and Awareness self-help, is a member of Toastmasters International and is the self-published author of the book “Make Your Imagination Rich". “Make Your Imagination Rich" can be seen on http://www.canadabooksonline.com in the self-help section. If you would like to learn more about the book, please do not hesitate to contact Mr. Bent at shawnbent@canada.com . |
