By:The Professor
April Fools Article for Reader Weekly http://www.thefountainheads.com
There were two presskits sent this week for bands to cover for the
April 1st Duluth Battle of The Bands. One was from Duluth’s Horny
Hairy Hippies, the other was the #1 Minneapolis band, The
Citydoits. The Horny Harry Hippies have no CD, web site, PR,
permanent members, and they’re not even sure what their name is (There
were 20 other Duluth bands competing, but none of them even had a
press-kit). On the other hand the Citydiots have a glossy
press-kit, CD (With words to the songs, stories, etc), they play some
covers everyone loves, and if you say jump… They say how high?
It wasn’t long ago that The Horny Harry Hippies changed it all in
Duluth.. They said forget it to their format of "Grateful Dead
jams" and decided to jam a novelty mix of hip-hop, folk, and
alt-country. At first no one thought it would work. Lucy McGee
was interviewed at their first show and was reported as saying, "Is
this a joke? Can you even call that sh#t music? My ears are
almost bleeding!" From there it only got worse for the
Hippies. When they were booked at the new Nuttybar Coffeeshop for
a Thursday evening opener Hard Harry Hunchback was severely
burned. He talks of the incident, "Some lady walked up to the
stage, spit in her coffee, then flung it at me.. cup and all..."
Nuttybar Coffeeshop was open for 6 weeks before closing due to The
Smoking Band and the smoking ban.
I asked a man wearing a ski-vest, stalking cap, dreads, and Ragstock
clothing who saw the band what he thought of the show. He was
reported as saying, "I don’t get it?" This was a typical Duluth
response..
The last time I saw the Citydiots was in December at Tyomies in
Superior. When I entered and looked around I saw that the crowd was
mostly thirtysomethings with more black leather on than an S&ampampM
convention. My first instinct was to look at the stage and see
what kind of equipment was there. Looks good… looks like some
rockin’ electric guitars, big amplifiers and a nice sized stage.
So my next thought was to find the band. This usually is
accomplished by looking around the room and playing "The Equipment
Match Game". Tonight it was obvious. In a room filled with
guys (A usual Superior sight) there was a collection of hairsprayed
leather girls at a table up front that looked like the Guns N’ Roses
1989 Backstage Tour. The guys looking like Warrant standing next
to them must have been in the band, or else I had just stepped through
a time warp?
They took the stage to an explosion of, "I WANNA ROCK ROCK… Ba Da da
da da da.." blasting over the PA. So before the song ended my
attention span was gone. I was too young to enjoy hair bands and
it’s too late for me now.. Besides where in the heck is the
bathroom in this place?
After finding and exiting the bathroom we left running!
The Horny Harry Hippies were playing across town the same evening at
Pizza Luce. The place was packed, and when I got to the door the
bouncer asked me for the cover. I didn’t say I was trying to do a
review for the Reader and just wanted to see if the band was worth
reviewing. Price: $35 cover for two people.. OUCH! But this
band must be something.. I thought..
There were about 300 people in the whole place with 10 dancing up
front. With so much room the dancers in front danced like flowers
blowing in the breeze... And almost into me.. Making their way through
the enchanted forest I think? So I took some notes to begin, "The
Oldest guy in Duluth and hippies dancing.. but I didn’t know what was
longer, the old guys beard or the hippie girl's under arm hair?"
My friend joked that hippies don’t usually wear such tight pants
either, (Showing some skin is not always a good thing!) hey what
happened to sewing your own clothes man? Maybe it was the Vodka,
maybe I was losing my love of armpit hair on girls, or maybe I wasn't
focusing on the band and taking in the music?
The band, well coming in so late what could one say? Cheesy, gospel
poetry lyrics with a flare of hodgepodgey artsy eclectic hip hop
jamming? But it mesmerized the hippies whose dreadlocks were
swaying to the beat. They ate up every word of a poem that ended
with the great rhyme of "band" with "sand." The crowd now cheered
so loud the guy twirling a pizza in the back looked up. That is
when they broke out their hit, "Ain’t Gonna Shower, Ain’t Gonna Wash My
Hair". The hip-hop rhyming was in full effect, especially in the
lyrics, "My dreads - yeah they’re so long, I ain’t washed them
since last cleaning out my bong. Water from the bong -
moisturizes the hair, it also works great at attracting bear!"
This held some significance to Hard Harry Hunchback, the
Banjo/DJ/Spinner/Vocalist/Mandolin/Mouthharp/One-man band. He
told a story how bong water actually makes dreadlocks smell better,
like a natural neutralizer. This was confirmed by the crew at The
Last Place On Earth, who have started a collection jug for old bong
water. Local beautician Janine Joplin pays big bucks for the bong
water, and has a collection point at here salon. Contact her@
Joplinhealingbongwater@yahoo.com.
A battle of the bands always brings out the best in Duluth. So
check it out this weekend (April 1st at the new Nor Shor), see where
your loyalties stand for Duluth in the Battle Of The Bands.
Support the town’s struggling musicians.. And no cover charge
with bong water donation
Disclaimer: All information on this site is provided for informational purposes only! By no means is any
information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice provided to you by any health care or other professional
or organization.
