Congratulations, you are a parent and your child is now a full grown adolescent/teen/monster. What are you to do when the only words from both your mouths are yelled out and your teen slams her/his door in your face. Or he/she ignores you. Tells you to be quiet or even Shut up. Or the classic, "No one understands me!" or "I hate you." or "Leave me alone!"
Can you remove his/her allowance? Sob in front of them? Try to make them understand with words like "When I was your age..." or "You have no right to..." or "I'm older than you so..."
I am an older sister at home and have just recently phased out of my rebellious teenage years. I remember the tears shed with my mother and wondering if I'm even my father's daughter. These days, now that I'm an adult, I still feel like a kid at home. Why? Because mothers will always be worrisome and naggy and fathers are... just fathers.
How can you deal with your teen? Here are some tips:
1) Do not invade their privacy and read their diary. If you must, make sure he/she never finds out. Their diaries may have traps-- my own diary had strands of hair on certain pages so when they were gone, I knew someone had opened my diary.
2) Respect him/her. If you expect him/her to respect you, show him/her respect so you play the part of a role model.
3) Accept the fact that their friends and their life outside matters more to them than life at home. No matter how much you slave for them, how much time you spent on dinner or breakfast, at the office with a bitch-ass boss-- your teen will always think of him/herself first and his/her friends, popularity, dating, and the latest gadgets, doo-das they want you to buy for them.
4) Don't yell. The more you yell, the more they yell back. If they ignore you, you can try to ignore them.
5) If all else fails and you are a mother, and your teen is out of control, have a sob-session. Cry in front of him/her. Explain to him/her your feelings and why you are worried. If you have a daughter, she might cry along with you.
6) Do not resort to violence. I am sick of seeing parents slapping around their children-- from three year olds to 18, 19, 20. Sickening.
7) Sit down and have a talk with him/her. Remember, there are always two sides or more to a story. Maybe you are the one at fault. Your teen may not be as stupid and immature as you may think. (though studies have shown people do not fully develop their brain to make wise decisions until after the age of 24)
8) Be involved but don't pry. Don't spoil him/her. Don't give in to far-fetched demands. Teach, show, and be patient.
Good luck! Hopefully, your teen won't grow into an adult who sends you to a nursing home and doesn't visit you unless you are near death. Or doesn't even call you on Mothers'/Father's Day. Or would rather go on vacation with his/her own family than spend one day at your home... Wait a second-- are you treating your own aged parents the same way? What comes around, goes around, my friend... Shameful... you and you expect your child to give a nut about you? Your monster is only a reflection of yourself.
Filial piety-- a thing of the past? That's for another article.
Kathleen Lieu loves to write when she has time on her hands-- she has a
pending psychology degree and is current a Student of Physical Therapy.
She is a jack of all trades-- knows a little of everything, but is an
expert in nothing except for the ways of the conscience--
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