Congratulations, you are a parent and your child is now a full grown adolescent/teen/monster. What are you to do when the only words from both your mouths are yelled out and your teen slams her/his door in your face. Or he/she ignores you. Tells you to be quiet or even Shut up. Or the classic, "No one understands me!" or "I hate you." or "Leave me alone!"
Can you remove his/her allowance? Sob in front of them? Try to make them understand with words like "When I was your age..." or "You have no right to..." or "I'm older than you so..."
I am an older sister at home and have just recently phased out of my rebellious teenage years. I remember the tears shed with my mother and wondering if I'm even my father's daughter. These days, now that I'm an adult, I still feel like a kid at home. Why? Because mothers will always be worrisome and naggy and fathers are... just fathers.
How can you deal with your teen? Here are some tips:
1) Do not invade their privacy and read their diary. If you must, make sure he/she never finds out. Their diaries may have traps-- my own diary had strands of hair on certain pages so when they were gone, I knew someone had opened my diary.
2) Respect him/her. If you expect him/her to respect you, show him/her respect so you play the part of a role model.
3) Accept the fact that their friends and their life outside matters more to them than life at home. No matter how much you slave for them, how much time you spent on dinner or breakfast, at the office with a bitch-ass boss-- your teen will always think of him/herself first and his/her friends, popularity, dating, and the latest gadgets, doo-das they want you to buy for them.
4) Don't yell. The more you yell, the more they yell back. If they ignore you, you can try to ignore them.
5) If all else fails and you are a mother, and your teen is out of control, have a sob-session. Cry in front of him/her. Explain to him/her your feelings and why you are worried. If you have a daughter, she might cry along with you.
6) Do not resort to violence. I am sick of seeing parents slapping around their children-- from three year olds to 18, 19, 20. Sickening.
7) Sit down and have a talk with him/her. Remember, there are always two sides or more to a story. Maybe you are the one at fault. Your teen may not be as stupid and immature as you may think. (though studies have shown people do not fully develop their brain to make wise decisions until after the age of 24)
8) Be involved but don't pry. Don't spoil him/her. Don't give in to far-fetched demands. Teach, show, and be patient.
Good luck! Hopefully, your teen won't grow into an adult who sends you to a nursing home and doesn't visit you unless you are near death. Or doesn't even call you on Mothers'/Father's Day. Or would rather go on vacation with his/her own family than spend one day at your home... Wait a second-- are you treating your own aged parents the same way? What comes around, goes around, my friend... Shameful... you and you expect your child to give a nut about you? Your monster is only a reflection of yourself.
Filial piety-- a thing of the past? That's for another article.
Kathleen Lieu loves to write when she has time on her hands-- she has a
pending psychology degree and is current a Student of Physical Therapy.
She is a jack of all trades-- knows a little of everything, but is an
expert in nothing except for the ways of the conscience--
I have a teen and I am a single parent who his father abandoned him after he was born and he is 15 and he always has out of control outbursts. Calls me stupida--, dumba--, a--hole, tells me to shut the f--- up when he gets angry does nothing but throw things all because I blinked my eyes or took a breath of fresh air. I cannot communicate with my teen at all. I am afraid of my own kid. He only acts nice when he wants something. But other times it's nothing but rage, rage, rage. He says he's tired of me. But yet he doesn't want to talk to his father who lives nearby. I signed him up for anger management classes starting next week. But Until then What should I do in the meantime? The cops have already been at our house more than 3 times they just scare him a little and tell him if he does it again he will go to places he doesn't want to go. Should I call a hotline for domestic violence if I have to fear for my life? Also he gets angry at me if I am on the family computer and I turn around to see what he is watching. We have a big Family Big screen T.V. and if he is watching something I cannot turn around to see the program. If I even glance at what he is watching all hell breaks loose. I would like to remain anonymous. What should I do?
If you respect yourself, other people will respect you. You shouldn't never allow your own kid been disrespectful to you , for you are the one who is feeding him. Not even a dog woulld bit the hands that feeds him! Please love and respect yourself first, other will feel your power.
» left by Jessica from Orlando (354 days 15 hours ago.)
I don't know that this is the best person to be taking advice from. WoW! Talk about amazingly bitter! There is so much to say here but who has time? Your bio says you have a pending psychology degree. Let's hope that stays pending for a while. Seems like you have plenty of issues to work through on your own before helping others. Not everyone assumes their teen is stupid or immature. I think most people try to sit and listen and want to help their children more than anything. You have a terrible attitude and what seems like a naturally mean disposition. Heal thyself.
God even made a commandment specifically for children, "Thou shall obey your parents." So, for a teen chooses to act up because he or she needs to assert his or her independence, I say, Grow up and be more responsible. Being responsible means to be able to take care of oneself, to take care of others, have respects for oneself and for others. We owe it to our parents to be kind to therm and to respect them. The time with them is precious, they are not going to be with us forever. They have enough challenges in life to keep them busy, and we don't need to give them anymore griefs. We think the world should kow tow to us because we are adults or about to be adults. At times, we party like "animals," we are so carefree that we fail to realize that without them, there wouldn't be us. We would never understand our parents until we have our own children. So, please be kind to our parents. It doesn't take much to make our parents happy. Are we out of our mind to think that our world or our friends would be superior to our parents?
» left by summer from london (301 days 2 hours ago.)
No, ihave tried talking but it lasts only a day or two,my teenager is not trying .i need someone to listen to me and then guide me step by step,how to communicate with her.because of her my other two can,t have a normal life too. help me please .I have developed mental health problums.
first of all i think u should pay attention to your other two kids, if u donot do so they will end up like the first one too, think how much they can compromise,
secondly ignore the other one for few days and watch closely his or her behaviour. show him that u love him. not only words. action needed. teenagers go through a roler coster bcz there hormonal changes they are growing they want to act like an indipendent adult yet they are not and this bothers them, they creat a wall arround them, they are confused, they dont know how to carry themself,
so my advise is that dont nag a lot, give them space,
u have to learn to be patient, smiling, caring, dont rush, dont expect a lot ,dont say NO, insted give them choices, like u will do this work? or u want to do that work.? let them pick one out of two choices.
the big problem is media there unnessary exposer to the adulthood, before schools were the place they use to learn manner and atiquettes. but now it is a place where these things are vanished. i still cannot figure that out why?. before teacher and student bonding was so respectful and important.
but it is never to late, help ur child by comming closer to him, by huging and kissing him/ her its your baby,. do somthing together,
dont lose control on yourself ,rememmber u have two other kids too , and its not there fault,so why they sufer?. pray each day, ask GOD to help u. and guide u.
» left by Tam from Ontario (93 days 22 hours ago.)
I have a 15 year old daughter who lives full time with her dad and step mom, she has been coming to see me every other weekend, she told me this friday that she does not want to come and see me anymore, that her life is where she lives with her dad and her friends, how do i go about getting her to change her mind and still want to come on the weekends?
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