Submitted by: Jonas Patterson(2,083) Log in to become a member of Jonas Patterson's Fan Club!
Many Western men choose to build a relationship with a Filipina girl. Some even choose to marry a Filipina. But what makes Filipino women so wanted?
1. Filipina girls are renowned for their beauty .
They surely stand out among Asian women in terms of charm and femininity. If you think other way you probably have never seen Angela Perez Baraquio – the first Asian American and Filipino American who was crowned Miss America 2001 and Miss Hawaii .
2. Filipino girls are a delight to be around because of their disposition and personality .
Since birth Filipinas are raised in a special sense of honor called Delikadesa (or Delicadeza). Delicadeza is a Spanish term which when translated in English means daintiness. It is defined as a sense of propriety, an act of being refined or delicate in tastes and manners.
It is Delikadesa what gives Filipino women such admirable qualities and distinguish them from Western ladies. You will never find a proper Filipina bring shame onto herself and her family by lying, cheating, stealing, running around with different men or flunking out of school. It is one of the meanings of Delikadesa – pride in doing the right thing.
3. Filipinas are u nderstanding, patient and composed .
Most Filipina girls would never engage in a quarrel or a loud argument simply because this wouldn’t suit a real Lady . They are taught to speak politely, with a gentle tone of voice. Arguing is just not acceptable, along with public criticism. This soft spoken, quiet and understanding nature of the Filipina Ladies is the desired trait that Filipinas strive towards.
4. Filipina girls are generous and naturally caring and supportive .
The common spirit of survival has united the Filipinos for centuries making generosity and loyalty towards family a time-honored tradition. The caring and supportive nature of the Filipinas is apparent in the fact that there are no booming businesses for retirement homes or orphanages in the Philippines – they would never abandon a child or a member of the family in need.
5. Filipina girls believe in a one-man one-woman relationship .
Since there is no "absolute divorce" in the Philippines , Filipinas are raised in a high regard for the sanctity of marriage and consider it a life long commitment. Some, in fact many who marry these Filipina beauties, swear they make the best wives in the world – loyal, loving and faithful past death.
6. Filipina women put family first before money .
Faithfulness to the family is a tradition that is characteristic of the Filipino society. To the Filipina, family will always remain a great priority. Filipi no women , whom many would consider as coming from a relatively poor country, view the close loving bonds of their f amily as their wealth. They are more willing to sacrifice career than a family.
7. Filipinas are excellent home keepers .
Filipino ladies equate domestic responsibility with being a good wife – their home is a great source of pride for them and they do their best to create a warm and loving environment for their family. For the Filipina even yelling at home would mean de-facing her home so you will probably never find a Filipina woman screaming or breaking dishes.
8. Filipinas are well educated .
The Philippine culture attaches great importance to college education. Pride in accomplishment at school is instilled in Filipinas since their childhood and female college enrollment even exceeds that of the male. This affects the social positions too. Unlike other Asian countries where women tend to be in more subservient positions, the Philippines businesses are more accepting of women performing business. This is apparent with the current Philippine president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo – the second Philippine woman to hold this esteemed position.
9. Filipino girls are religious .
The Philippines is predominantly Roman Catholic ( the only Christian nation in the Far East ) and it is common amongst Philippine families to raise their children in the church. So don’t be surprised if your Filipina girl is more devoted to her religion than you are to yours.
10. Filipina-American marriages are more successful than American-American marriages .
An interesting fact is that according to the statistics Filipina-American marriages arranged through dating services have a lower divorce rate (about 20%) than the standard American- American marriage (about 40%). Still, the statistics may vary according to which source you use.
Of course I have made some generalizations here but basically this should have answered your question why so many men prefer a Filipina girl for dating. If you too decide to give it a try and date a Filipina, I wish you luck – who knows, you might find the girl you’ve been looking for…
Jonas Patterson is a retired American living in the Philippines. He and his Filipina wife Kristine have found their happiness the hard way and they have established a Filipino dating site where you can find free everything you need to know about Filipino women, their culture and the famous Filipina personality.
» left by John from michigan,united states (1 year 167 days ago.)
yes i found it interesting,,,however i have found the girl i wold like to marry but i am ignorant as to what is involved in the marrage arrangments...i realize that i need to marry in philippines but i do not know what all i need to do from there. Is there any infromation i can look into on all the laws and required paperwork i need? Any help would be most appreciated..p.s. My fiance also was wondering about her Visa? How long that will take to receive so she may come live in the USA with me...Thanks again, sincerely, John Respond to this comment
» left by Greg from New York (132 days 9 hours ago.)
John, first let me tell you - you do NOT need to get married in the Philippines, unless you want to for her sake. You should not feel pressured. This is your country, she came here, if you want to get married here you have every right to. That aside, I have dated 3 filipina women and as an american, I would say generally what the author of this website is saying is true. However, make sureyou know your bride well enough first, especially because cutlural differances that don't seem apparent or problematic in the early stages can often develop into issues later on. Of course, if you are intending on marrying someone - anyone - good communication should be a must too.
I do not mean to offer you too much advice, and you may not need any. But, through my experience I have found that in dating different filipina women, there expectations and family expectations could very well be the only issue. Aside from that, they are wonderful people, wonderful women. Just don't forget that this is your wedding too. I hope the best for you,
You dont have to marry in the Philippines, you could bring her here on a fiance visa and marry her here. if you do marry in the philippines go for a k-3 spouse visa it may cost more because you have to file the i-130 non immigrant visa first but it will get her here faster. It allows you to finish up some of the paperwork while she is here. if you want to marry there you must go to the embassy and request permission to get married, then you must come back home and file the I-130 and the G-125 i think ? it will list all of the paperwork that you need. Before you come home bring her info back with you a couple of pics i think 2x2, marrige liscense, her nbi clearence etc. Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (1 year 141 days ago.)
John,
I could write 5,000 words trying to answer your questions. I'll just give you the bare-bones answers here: First, you do not HAVE to marry her in the Phils. Though of course this depends upon her desires... You can marry her there or here in the USA. The latter is actually a bit faster in terms of the immigration process. The answers to all of your questions can be found at some very helpful websites, just do a google search and you'll find them.
Basically, be prepared to have your patience tested. Legal immigration takes time money. At least one visit to her country- probably more, financial support for her while you wait, application fees, and of course attorneys if you choose to use them. (more on that below)
A K1 visa or so-called "fiance visa" requires many documents to be submitted by you and some by her. If you decide to apply for a K1 visa, many will tell you that you must hire an immigration attorney who specializes in this type of visa. This is NOT NECESSARY- PROVIDED that you can read documents and requirements with care and not try to cut any corners. The smallest detail overlooked can cost you weeks or even months of hold-up in the process.
As for the time-line, you should plan on a minimum of 6-8 months if everything runs perfectly- longer if there are any glitches. This can also vary depending on the time of year and how busy USCIS is with processing times. I hope this does not scare you away from the process. I am near the end of a K1 and it has been very hard. But if your woman is half as special as mine, it would be worth waiting 5 years if necessary. Good luck.
RJ Respond to this comment
» left by garry from england (1 year 22 days ago.)
can u tell me how much money it will cost me to bring my filipino wife 2 england and mhat paper work i need 2 get? many thanks garry Respond to this comment
» left by angela from nyc, new york (112 days 7 hours ago.)
do you honestly belive what this guys says? do you have a filipina girlfriend? have you ever even been to the philippines??
» left by M from H (359 days 7 hours ago.)
Let me inform you that this part about filipino girls not wanting to lie, cheat, steal is a very foolish statement to make and it is obvious to me that you have never done the online dating/marry sites provided on the internet. Time and time again these "filipino" girl beg for money.....say they will do things in private rooms.....swear they are hungry......tell you they love you in 10 minutes then ask for support. Go ahead....believe them and send them 50USD....then days later you can log in under a different name and talk to the same girl and she will say the same crap, and guess what!!!! you never got what you sent the money for. 30% of these filipino girls are scam artist. They go to internet cafe's log on dating sites under who knows how many different names and scam men out of money all day long.
You need to get your facts straight before you write somthing about Delikadesa when it comes to filipino girls.
I would advise anyone that goes to these internet meeting/dating/marriage sites to keep their money in their wallets and never, never, never believe most of these girls about their poor poor living conditions and sick parents and what have you.
Dont believe me? Try it.....you will walk into a filipino scammer in the first 20 minutes
» left by Anonymous from United Kingdom (326 days 10 hours ago.)
To M:
Please don't be too judgemental and make a generalization of what a filipina is....coz not every filipina is like what you have mentioned....there are filipinas ( majority ) who are decent, sweating their butts out to earn a decent living and not like the girls you have mentioned. So please don't generalized. Thank you.....AMC Respond to this comment
» left by John from Houston, TX (308 days 12 hours ago.)
M, you are wrong. I have been with my filipina Angel for 1 year. She and her friends never asked for 1 red cent. Yes, there are scam artist in every culture and walk of people. But, for you to down a group is wrong. You had a bad experience. Well, sorry for you. But, I am happy as the other men here are. Good Luck, Buddy... Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (147 days 18 hours ago.)
Just a heads up John
I have been searching for a filipina wife and have actually lived in Manila with one girl for about 4 monhs. I travel between Sydney and Manila often. I discovered the girl I was living with had 5 other guys in toe! They were all foreigners and she was engaged to one of them! She swindled about $70 000.00 Aust out of that poor guy before I told him what was going on. The same guy was previously married to another pinay who left him after 2 days and took him for $30 000.00 Aust!! You simply got lucky mate, but anyone who understands the culture realises that the majority of these women are either looking for a ticket outta there, financial security or both. Don't take my word for it...ask any honest filipino as it is common knowledge there. My advice... do not....do not....do not expose yourself financially if you are in a realtionship with a filipina woman. I personally will never marry one and will live in Phils where defacto relationships are not recognised. Paul Australia
» left by shasha from FL (14 hours 10 minutes ago.) New Comment!
I believe in everything that you say.. It happens. Maybe because of poverty that made them to scam people. A modest filipina will not ask for a money. If you found a filipina who keeps asking for a money then she's not the right one for you. I am a filipina. If you want to marry a filipina you need to check their background first. I grew up with a very conservative christian family. I grew up learning how to understand life and how to be a good wife. When i reach the age of 10 i stopped playing with friends and just stay inside the house and watch tv. I went to a all girls private catholic school never met a guy friend. You will not see me wearing minis in shopping malls. Im married now with a 4mo. kid. I met my American husband while im working in one of the camp in iraq. Since i got here, i did everything in the house a good wife suppose to do. I prepare his uniform and everything he needs including breakfast before he go to work and when he gets home his dinner is ready. I have my limitations set everytime we go out and see his friends. I talk to them but i don't get too close. There's still a lot of decent filipina out there. If you only know how to find one. This is my advice to all the guys who wants to marry a filipina. Check their background, don't believe in just what they will say. Make a way to confirm what she said. Meet her family, talk to them. If they ask for money, ask why. If she understand life, she will understand why you ask.
» left by Anonymous from fairbanks alaska (307 days 9 hours ago.)
I got engaged about 7 months ago with the most amazing woman i have ever met. Even when i try to send her money to help hershe always tell me no. Unfortunately atthis time in my life I have to many bills and just cant even affordto move there. But I am working on that. She always tells me that she Is praying for me and that she thanks God for me and etc etc etc...you know what i mean right folks..anyway...my question is why cant filipinos get a visa to travel to us as a tourist only? She wants to visit disney world in california but she says her government wont let her. but she can go to japan, or hong kong. I do not understand the reasoning in this. could you explain. thank you. and God Bless you. Respond to this comment
» left by 92W from Afghanistan (235 days 6 hours ago.)
So who makes a better wife a Filipino ar a Ukrainian? I've read information on both. And from the information I've come acrooss both are equal when it comes to loyalty and dedication to their husband and families Respond to this comment
» left by Matthew Crate from Germany (221 days 7 hours ago.)
I recently got married to a Filipino in the philippines and I can honestly say I have never met such a caring and honest person.We met on the internet and spoke for 2 years, in this time she never asked for even 1 Euro. We decided to get married and yes I agree the visa process is very difficult ,time consuming and stressful but I know in the end my wife will be here soon and it will be worth the wait. But becareful there are girls out their who will take you for a ride but like any country you always get someone trying to scam you.so pease dont just lable the people from philippines. Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (202 days 6 hours ago.)
I married a filippina, we were together for 6 years. Aside from #9 being religious, # 1-10 were not her. You are stereotyping filippinas. Mine started off nice, and ended up bing a complete witch. Respond to this comment
» left by Marissa D. Corado from Cairo,Egypt (195 days 11 hours ago.)
Im very grateful to read this article THANK YOU SO MUCH...i love this article...The most important there is Love & Respect to GOD & family. I am filipina. Respond to this comment
» left by John from nyc (191 days 16 hours ago.)
I love my Filipina GF of 5 years. She has many good qualities that I find almost impossible to find in an American girl. Most important is the fact that a Filipina girl can love you on another level and enjoy the simple things in life. I've found that American girls have an attention span that is too short for having a lasting and deep connection. Respond to this comment
» left by g from new zealand (189 days 4 hours ago.)
um the article was interesting and so were the comments i know a few filipinos living in new zealand and i have dated two of them.
very lovely people very polite as well.lack a little confidence but they do go out of their way to please you and compared to nz woman ive been out with.
i think the big difference between tthe two cultres is filipinos are non confruntaional.
» left by Yanni from Dallas, Texas (185 days ago.)
I met a very nice Philippine girl online about six months ago, I fell in love with her the first moment I seen her face and heard her sweet voice, (with out the peep show) my first visit was in march of 2008, met her family, they treated me like family, very hospitable, after seeing how poor they live, made me eat a big piece of humble pie(we in the Great USA don't know how good we have it until we see how the other half live), not to mention the area (CDO) was like A tropical rain forest paradise, we have only known each other for a short time but I feel like it was for years. My family warned me to watch out for them, "They are in the business of taking advantage of lonely Americans" Well I have to say that might be the case, then again It might not, I will follow my heart on this one and go for it, because if I don't, and lose the true love I have been looking for all my life, I would never forgive myself. People who stereotype really need to ask them selfs a question, " Do I love everybody for who they are and not what you hear other people say about them?" I love this girl and I know she loves me, I will be back to see her in late April and looking forward to it, good or bad I will never know unless I give her a chance. God Bless Respond to this comment
» left by Aaron from Cambridge,England (12 days 21 hours ago.)
I would have to agree with everything Yanni has said,I to met my girl online and after 8 months decided it was time to go meet her.I could not have asked for much more.Her family were great and treat me as one of their own.She was fantastic and we hit it off straight away.She does not ask me for money or try to pressure me into marriage although we have spoken about it.Although these people have little money they remain some of the happiest people i have ever met and i cant wait to go back in february.I guess if you flaunt your money be prepared to get ripped off.Never once before i went there did we speak of money.I will not lie,I did offer my help when i was there and im sure it was appreciated.We really dont know how lucky we are in our own countries.I am very sorry for the people who have been ripped off as they obviously met the bad side but belive me there is a good side Filipinos are not all the same.
» left by George Morgan from Australia (176 days 3 hours ago.)
I have been talking to a girl from Davao since christmas. My aunt told me about her. Her aunt and my aunt have been friends since they went to school together. I went over in March and spent three weeks with her and her family and they made me feel like one of the family from the time I got off the plane.
I am also getting people telling me that she will take me cleaners, when I was coming home I left her some money to cover the power bill I had used I told her to keep the rest of the money but she gave it back to me and would not take it and i still have it in my wallet. She would do anything for me anything at all. Even her 73year old aunt sleeped on the lounge so we could have her double bed. She also said she is happy living here or in the Philippines as long as she is with me. I just have to wait for my divorce to go through.
Yes i have heard of the girls on the internet that just want money from friends in Australia but if you are mad enough to send money, that is your problem. I have never been asked for money.
We also spent the frist two weeks chatting and sending emails to each other we had not seen each other. We got to know the person frist.
The day I left they had a lunch for me and when it was time to go there was three car loads of people went with us to the airport to say goodbye.
» left by Catubig (148 days 5 hours ago.)
Yow guys I'm a Filipino/Americian I want to make things clear only what 5% of the Filipinos do the whole rip you off thing, we are honest working people. Yeah I met a Filipino girl from Pangisinan she is the best thing that has ever happened to me the familly was really nice and look after me when I was there. She is kind and has never lied to me also on top damn she is good looking. But the thing I like about her most is her personality. Also when \i was there every one shows you respect and shakes your hand to make you feel at home
» left by Matthew Crate from Germany (143 days 6 hours ago.)
Hello again, As I mentioned before My wife is in the process of her visa application.This has been in the process for over 8 months now!!!! Believe me when I say this that the German Embassy really go into depth of your past. For instance,they are delaying my visa because i moved from England to Germany and have two children by my Ex Girlfriend their. Because I have no contact with her and the children for eight years because of a bad break up the embassy are saying that because I dont pay for my children whos to say I wont do it here in Germany so the German government are worried that they will have to support my wife if I was ever to leave her. So they are delaying the visa until they get written declaration from my girlfriend to say that she doesnt need the money. This will never happen which means that maybe my wife will never recieve a visa for Germany or it could be delayed up to another year or more!!!! Be prepared people if you have a bad pass history they will dig up the dirt and find everything about you..including police checks!!!!
» left by Tee from UK (134 days 5 hours ago.)
It just goes to show how foolish it is to generalise - I had a very bad experience - but I would not even come close to generalising - it's the luck of the draw. What I detest, however, is people arguing the point in a defensive, protective manner - instead of facing up to the truth - yes - it does go on, the scamming - no - it isn't everyone doing it - but that doesn't lessen the despicable nature of what is going on by, OK, a minority - but I think that minority is growing as the Internet spreads across the country. It's up to the good people to speak out against it. Respond to this comment
» left by mike from europe (132 days 8 hours ago.)
how many time much talk/chat before visit her? and on average, how much must the husband support her family?
i am 42 years old but most of the girls who want date and ... marry with me,are too young . what would be the age gap?
» left by shasha from FL (13 hours 47 minutes ago.) New Comment!
Talk to her 'til you know her well, her background and her family (try to talk to her family too).'til you're convinced that everything she said is true. try a year if you always talk to her. You don't have to support her family. Support your family with her. Im a filipina and i don't ask my husband to support my family not unless if there's an emergency and i can't afford it. I will support my family from my own. At least 10yrs gap, that's only my opinion. If you marry younger than that, there's a possibility that she will look for a man younger than you. If she's really willing to marry you, make sure she loves you and she's happy to be with you. Explain or make her understand the bad side of marrying a man that is a lot older than her. What a younger man do and what you can't do. If she accept all that and of who and what you are, then go and see her family.. Goodluck and Godbless..
» left by angela from nyc, new york (112 days 7 hours ago.)
Im a proud filipina who still visits the philippines and I think this thing is all wack! not all filipinas are religious and raised to be "Delikadesas". You're making it sound like all filipinas are like this and it sounds almost discriminatory. Have you ever really been to the philippines or just heard about filipinas? not all of us are educated. I was lucky to be adopted at a young age and leave the philippines. My sisters are still there working as maids. There are a lot of smart filipinas but many are overshadowed by the amount of uneducated ones. this whole 10 reason thing is full of generalising. you made this thing to me sound bakla (gay)!! sorry if i sound rude it's just not all filpinas are like this.
» left by shasha from FL (12 hours 33 minutes ago.) New Comment!
I don't think you're a proud filipina. It's true not all filipinas are religious,and raised to be "Delikadesas", not all are educated cause you're one of them that are not religious and raised to be "Delikadesas" and most especially uneducated. Yes! i've been to Philippines and i grew up there and whereever place i've been i will still go back to Philippines and live there cause IM A PROUD FILIPINA!!
» left by shasha from FL (12 hours 32 minutes ago.) New Comment!
I don't think you're a proud filipina. It's true not all filipinas are religious,and raised to be "Delikadesas", not all are educated cause you're one of them that are not religious and raised to be "Delikadesas" and most especially uneducated. Yes! i've been to Philippines and i grew up there and whereever place i've been i will still go back to Philippines and live there cause IM A PROUD FILIPINA!!
» left by Marie from Dallas Texas (108 days 6 hours ago.)
I am a Filipina and am very proud to be one! My husband is not the type of American who only married a Pinay because he read about "articles like this" or heard about the hype that Filipinas make good wives. You have to live in my country and experience what it's like to be here. He is a really smart guy who knows whether a girl is a scammer or not, or whether someone he's dating is just after his money. I am educated and work in the business district as a writer when I met him. We dated for a long time before figuring out that we want to spend our lives together. Filipinas are a mix of the modern and the traditional, and I would say I am one of those in between. My advice is although it is true that Filipinas are good women, it is better to experience dating them and getting to know them first before jumping into marriage. Do not believe rumors or hypes. (And modesty aside, it's true Pinays are really pretty!) Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (33 days 20 hours ago.)
to angela from nyc, new york
you sure you are a proud filipina? its a shame how you look down on your own people. you are even happy to leave the philippines. so maybe you have been there, but have you actually lived there? you don't know what you're talking about. Philippines maybe a poor country but not overshadowed by the amount of uneducated ones. Don't generalize based on your sisters situation AND yes you are rude!!!
» left by larry from hongkong (33 days 2 hours ago.)
TO ANGELA OF NYC
So what if your sisters work as maids? There is nothing wrong with that. You sound as if you're looking down on your own people, you own sisters in fact! Shame on you! There are alot of Filipinas working as maids around the world, hundreds of thousands in fact, but most of them are educated. They have college degrees. It's just that there is no job for them back home so they are forced to find other jobs abroad just to support their family, leave their children with relatives so that they can have a god life and a good education. You're lucky to have been adopted but it seems you have lost touch with your Filipino side in the process.
» left by angrypinay from california (25 days 22 hours ago.)
thanks for objectifying filipinas everywhere. it's guys like you who don't deserve a good woman, regardless of race/ethnicity/nationality.
Hi I am a Kiwi I have met a nice pinay girl on Find love Asia,my bad experience was with a Russian bride,lovely family and girl from Yoshkar-ola very nice when I was there but she became cold to me and home sick for Russia when i brought her to NZ (I quess NZ can do that to you)I spent a fortune and when I bought a return fare for her not even a thankyou even refused to say goodbye to my parents.
My story is similar to many but I want to tell it. I met a beautician in 2000 waiting in line for a store to open and we talked and hit it off as friends. She is a married Filipina in her forties and a hairdresser (Beautician). I took her business card and became her customer for several years. She became a friend and invited me to some social events such as her annual 4th of July barbeque that I attended with a Cambodian lady I was then dating. Beautician’s husband is Cambodian, my date and he spoke four or five words in their language and never spoke again, I found that very interesting.
In the past few years Beautician has introduced me to several of her friends, a divorced Filipina she knew, I didn’t make the grade with this one as I met her for drinks one night but failed to get a second date. Met another lady friend of Beautician who was from Singapore and we dated for one summer, also attended the annual Fourth of July barbeque with this lady. Beautician did a long distance introduction for me to one of her nieces in the Philippines in 2002. I emailed, spoke on the phone and wrote to this niece over a few months but discovered that she has two children and the father of the these 2 children is living TNT (Philippines slang for undocumented resident) in the USA so I never went further with this lady and I never went to the Philippines to meet her.
Late in 2004 finds me depressed and unhappy with my life in general with high blood pressure and facing retirement with no plan whatsoever. I go for my haircut with Beautician and she shows me a picture of her niece, a beautiful 24-year old (according to Beautician) Filipina who has just returned to her home in the Philippines from Singapore where she had been working as a nanny for 13 months. Niece is now looking to start the next chapter of her life. I think that this one has possibilities as she is attractive, has no kids and this young lady likes older men, wants to live in the USA blah-blah-blah.
I go to Manila in February 2005 and meet this young lady. My first surprise is that she is 22 years old and turning 23 the day after I arrive. Anyway, we meet and spend a few days together in Manila with her mother as chaperone of course but mom sleeps on the couch in the living room of the hotel suite after a heated discussion between the two of them. Filipina Mirage (as I will now refer to this beauty) and DanTheMan get to know one another, not intimate for first few days but a nice connection, an easy person to talk with and fun to be with. We do the tour of Manila and mom takes pictures of Filipina Mirage and me at the landmarks, I later learn this is to support the visa petition and prove that we have indeed met.
On to the province to meet the family, a buffet dinner of about 20 people and I meet the relatives and again I am treated very well. One uncle suggests that we marry in the Philippines right away as that is the fastest way to get Filipina Mirage to the USA but I resist and insist that I will hire an immigration attorney to file the immigration petition when I return to the USA.
We visit Boracay, Philippines with Filipina Mirage’s brother and sister as our chaperones, we rent them a separate motel room and again a great vacation and now some great intimacy as well, she lets me be her teacher but she learns so fast so I suspect I am not really teaching her much. No problem, I am a realist about most things or at least so I think. I am being treated with love and respect and I frankly love it.
By the time I leave the Philippines I know that I am going for it. I return to the USA and begin the immigration process. Beautician offers to do the immigration petition paperwork with me but I insist on hiring an attorney. I want an attorney working for me so I can keep some control over the immigration process as I want to objectively review all the information. There is no problem with Filipina Mirage’s papers and she is approved for the visa interview in June 2005. I learn that there will be a considerable delay before the actual interview will occur as there is a backup of visa petitions in Manila. I call the USA Embassy in Manila and learn that she will not get an interview until December 2005.
In May 2005 Filipina Mirage begins asking me for money, I see no problem with this and send her about $400 a month for the next few months. In September I am missing her and go back to the Philippines for another 2-week visit. Again, a wonderful vacation and I am treated well by everyone, she and her family are delighted with me and me with them also. I spent some bonding drinking time with my future brother-in-law, movies, meals and shopping with the whole family of course.
On this trip I ask Filipina Mirage for a pre-marital agreement and I explain what this is to her, she accepts this calmly, no problem for her as she is not after my money or even a green card, she is simply in love with me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. Stop laughing! if you had been there with her looking into your eyes with her beautiful “trust me long time” limpid pools of brown eyes you would have believed her too!! I believed her at some level but upon my return to USA I shopped around and hired an attorney with experience in pre-marital agreements that will hold up through a contested divorce.
In October she asks for more money than I have been sending her, another $100 a month for her sister in college to become a nurse. I increase what I am sending her to $500 a month and in late October we have our first fight over money when she asks for $800 to go to Singapore to get her police record for the visa interview. She could have done this at the Singapore Embassy in Manila but by now her interview is December 23, 2005 and there is not enough time to do it through the Embassy, she will have to go in person to Singapore. Of course I pay for this trip and I am generous with Christmas money for her and her family. I know I am “marrying the family” and I accept this, I know we will be contributing to the support of her family and I am prepared to continue working to do this and maintain a lifestyle for me and Filipina Mirage.
I am having some doubts in December 2005 as Filipina Mirage doesn’t seem quite as respectful to me or quite as happy to hear from me as before, there are some missed phone calls, her “brother” answered the phone one time when I called at an unexpected time. But, these are little things and I am what gamblers call “pot –committed”, I have invested so much in this endeavor that failing to follow through doesn’t make sense or at least this is how I rationalize things at the time.
Come January and Filipina Mirage is still visiting cousins in Manila rather than going home to the province where she is from. But she gets her fiancé visa and is set to come to the USA so I buy her ticket and she arrives on February 15, 2006.
The arrival of Filipina Mirage was a reality check, perhaps it was not the same lady? A switch with her evil, non-sex loving twin sister? The Filipina Mirage who arrives is not friendly, not happy to be in my house and definitely not in love with DanTheMan. She basically wants to be my housekeeper, cook and clean a little (I do mean “a little”). She spends most of the day watching TV and cheesy horror movies on DVD. My son comments that she is the laziest Filipina he has every met, she is the only Filipina he has ever met to my knowledge but I get the joke. She doesn’t want to meet my friends, socialize or do much of anything except visit with her relatives here in the USA and she spends a lot of time text-messaging her family (she says) in the Philippines.
I give it a few weeks, she keeps saying “culture shock” but I soon get very sick of this situation after about 3 weeks and start looking through her stuff. I am a strong privacy advocate and never snooped on my kids and I felt guilty at first doing this with my fiancé but felt that I needed to know what is going on. Sure enough, without much effort at all I find a photo album full of pictures of her with another man in the Philippines and Hallmark love cards that leave no room for doubt that she is in an on-going relationship with a man in the Philippines. I feel like a betrayed old fool, that is of course exactly what I am, but I don’t like the feeling.
I told her that the relationship is over on March 12 and on March 14 I threw her out. She was dragging her feet about leaving so I had her Auntie Beautician come over to my house. I got dramatic and threw a suitcase on the living room floor and said “time to say bye-bye”. Beautician looked at pictures of Filipina Mirage in boyfriend/girlfriend poses in the photo album and still claimed that the man in the pictures was Filipina Mirage’s “cousin”, but if he is her “cousin” then I almost married a lady who is doing her “cousin”. By this time I am not buying any more BS and Beautician and Filipina Mirage leave my house together.
Filipina Mirage called a couple of times after she left to try and talk but I made it clear that I don’t want anything more to do with her. As of June 2006 Filipina Mirage is also living in the USA in “TNT” status, this was probably the intention all along. I don’t miss Filipina Mirage at all, I greatly miss the person and life and mirage that I had foolishly projected but the person who arrived from the Philippines was not the same person I met in the Philippines. No wonder the Fillipina personal ads state they are looking for someone aged “18 to 80”, they can’t say “just send the damn visa and plane ticket you old goat!”
There is no real point to be made here, Stickman’s website is full of “fools in love” stories and I want mine posted for posterity. Some day I will look back on this and laugh, I am not quite there yet. But I do forgive her for what she did, if I lived in the extremely modest circumstances that Filipina Mirage is from in the Philippines, I would trade some “$%&#$%&* and promises” for the visa and plane ticket. Enough of my damn whining.
The good part of this fiasco is my discovery of Thailand as the result of it. I had two weeks of vacation planned for the first of May 2006 to get married and honeymoon with my Filipina Mirage. So, I cancelled the wedding chapel at the Flamingo in Las Vegas, lost a small deposit and off to Bangkok instead. This was the best vacation of my life and the full GFE and some day trips too. I finally have at least an outline of some retirement plans. I have signed up for the Pattaya Expats newsletter and I am coming back to Thailand for a month vacation in mid-October to scout out various places as possible places to live in retirement for 3 to 6 months of each year. I have also made plans to spend the first 3 months of 2007 in the “Land of Smiles”, probably in Pattaya but I haven’t even visited Phuket yet so it is hard to say for sure.
The Filipina Mirage fiasco gave me some experience that I need to survive the pitfalls of Asia where sometimes all is not as it seems. Thailand is a great place but as I have learned through this website many Western rules and thought processes simply do not apply here. I can enjoy myself but it would be easy to let myself be seduced into the “Mirages of Thailand” and I am very aware of this. I am not at all cynical about Thailand even though it is in some aspects similar to the Philippines, in either place “if you are taken for a fool then you will be taken for your money” and this is part and parcel of daily life as a farang in Thailand.
“Back In The Day” a frequent expression was “the end justifies the means” and this is how I see the Asian philosophy about extracting money and benefits from the farang.
The carnival folks have an expression that might be applicable to the naughty life of Thailand as well: “It’s a crime to let a sucker keep his money”.
Mr. Leather’s book “Private Dancer” opened my eyes and I truly loved reading it, Filipina Mirage was not a bargirl as far as I know but her family covered for her right to the end and they all knew she was involved with someone else and her family knew that I was simply being used. To my Western mind this makes her family “less than” but from their viewpoint it was simply a method to get a family member to the USA and “the end justifies the means”.
I have a plan for living in Thailand, and time will tell if I can make it work. Thailand is a great place to live very well on the retirement that I will have beginning in October this year. I plan to learn some Thai, get involved in the expat community in Pattaya and Bangkok and I plan to volunteer to teach English when the opportunity presents itself. I also have obtained some books about Buddhism and enjoy reading and studying this philosophy.
I will also likely seek a lady friend, with great caution and understanding of the “rules of the game”.
Stickman, I love your website and am truly grateful for it, I should have read it sooner. Better late than never.
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Article added to SearchWarp.com on Sunday, July 02, 2006 View other articles written by Jonas Patterson(2,083)
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