An Unhappy Marriage: How to Know When It's Really Over

It's a fact. There are a lot of people who feel unhappy in their marriage. But the real question many of them are asking themselves is, how do I know when my marriage is really over?

Is it when your spouse says, "I don't love you anymore?" Is it after an affair takes place? How do you REALLY know? Keep reading to find out how to identify the warning signs that often indicate your spouse has given up on your marriage.

First and Foremost: Has your spouse reached The Point of No Return?

What is the Point of No Return in a marriage? Is there such a thing? After working with couples for over 11 years, I've identified a specific "path" that couples travel on the way to divorce. And at the end of this path is what I call...The Point of No Return.

But I'm getting ahead of myself...let me back up for a second.

In most cases, your marriage is NOT over when:

- Your spouse moves out
- When your spouse says the infamous, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore"
- When your spouse threatens you with divorce

And believe it or not, in some cases, your marriage is NOT even over when...your spouse files for divorce.

Your marriage is NOT over when your spouse begs, pleads, argues, screams, storms out of the house or turns the whole family against you.

Quite the contrary, The Point of No Return in a marriage IS confirmed when your spouse looks at you as if s/he were dead.

There is no life in your spouse's voice and no life in his/her eyes. Your spouse doesn't get angry with you. S/he simply tells you when the divorce papers are going to be served. S/he's already gone to the court house, found an attorney and has a service date set for the divorce proceedings.

Your marriage is most likely over when your spouse has made complete lists of assets and debts with your both of your names on them. Your spouse has already decided on the custody plan and cleaned out any bank accounts with their name and yours and closed all the credit cards that you share.

Your spouse has reached The Point of No Return when s/he already knows the courts require a 120 day waiting period and s/he has emotionally bolted him/herself in place for the long wait.

You've gone WAY beyond an "unhappy marriage" when your spouse has talked many times to the children about divorce and they are now either scared, angry, hurt, confused or emotionally shut down.

There's a good chance your marriage is over when your spouse doesn't care about how your children feel about it. S/he is only acting for his/her own survival at this point and s/he has repeatedly convinced him/herself that "The kids are good, they'll be fine." S/he may have even said that to friends and relatives.

This is the REAL Point of No Return. I've found that when your spouse has reached the Point of No Return, no one can save your marriage at this point. Not a priest, pastor or marriage counselor.

So How Did this Happen?

A marriage gets to this point because we live in a society that is convinced that once you are married, there is nothing you need to learn about marriage and nothing you need to practice.

All you need is love.

If you don't have love, then it's all your fault that your marriage failed. Because of this belief, you kept on doing exactly what you always did...your version of love.

You treated your spouse the same way your father treated your mother...or vice versa. You kept on doing the same thing and kept on getting the same results.

Your spouse could not help you to help him/her. No matter how many times s/he told you how to meet his/her needs, you couldn't hear...you just couldn't understand.

How do I know this?

I know it because every single divorce is built on the same system. When your emotional needs are not met in a marriage, anywhere from 1-3 of the situations listed below will begin to take place in your marriage.

Because you know virtually nothing about how to be married and how to support each other's needs, you have no way to stop these issues from happening:

- Affair
- Sex failure
- Communication break down
- No Loyalty
- In-Law problems
- Grew apart
- Fell out of love
- Blended family issues
- Abusive attitudes
- Depression
- Angry spouse
- No romance
- Ignores me
- Money problems
- Children problems
- Avoids me

If your spouse has not yet passed the Point of No Return, you can still save your marriage there is still hope for the two of you. But you need to do something TODAY to improve your unhappy marriage. Believe me, I get emails daily with stories about marriages that took a turn for the worst in a matter of WEEKS.

These people simply waited too long and before they knew it, their spouse had reached the Point of No Return. So my message to you is DON'T WAIT. Do something for your marriage TODAY...before it's too late. You can start by getting the FREE marriage advice you can use to fix your marriage at the http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com website.

Note: This article is not legal advice. It is not meant to replace marriage counseling.

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Comments on this article:

» left by MIA MIA from FL (262 days 14 hours ago.)

THIS ARTICAL SHOWED ME THAT MY MARRIAGE IS ON THE ROCKS AND I NEED TO DO SOMETHING NOW OR IT IS OVER IN A MONTH OR LESS.
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» left by unhappily married from Florida (61 days 1 hour ago.)

marriage sucks

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» left by Anonymous (60 days 22 hours ago.)

This article was very helpful. It helped me to know that I have reached the point of no return. I have been unhappily married for almost 7 years, and all the problems that were listed above have been ours, except that he has never abused me physically, and we dont have a blended family. He has been unfaithful, he has withheld sex on many occasions, he is not a communicator, he treats me like his father treated his mother, we have had parenting issues, money issues, lack of communication, there is no romance, and I am angry, depressed, and sometimes even suicidal. The only reason I haven't done it yet is because of my two daughters....

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» left by Anonymous (30 days 21 hours ago.)

I feel your pain.

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» left by Anonymous (4 days 22 hours ago.)

 Oh my god this is so my life, I honestly dont even remember the last time my husband has hugged me or even has kissed me. I cant even talk to him anymore, i dont even have a close  relationship with him anymore, I fell that when he looks at me , he feels diqust and hate for me. We sleep with out backs towards each other and he goes to sleep so he dont have to even look  or talk to  me anymore. its as if I am dead. He recently on our anniversary, went to another state to see if ex thats in prison to whom he had written letters to for several months, with hopes that he would be waiting on her when she got out. But its been over many many years ago like 20 years ago, I dont understand he finally broke down and told me this, then  month before this I found out that he was planning an affair with this women that he met at his job, he had ben going over to her house to see her and calling her, and she finally told me what was going on, his reason was that I had not been doing my wifely duities, well if this is the case then maybe I should have found someone to because doesnt satisfy me , but I neverwentto find anyone. And he verbally talks to me like I am a pice os s--t!!!!. So we have have 4 children, oh he also told this woman that he was only here for the sake of the children , and you know what i beleive this is so true. So what do I do. Our sex life is horrible when it actually happens, its about 15 minutes, if its even this long. I dont knowwhat to do. Im tired and very lonely here.and I dont trust him at this point in my life at all.

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» left by Larry Bilotta from Green Bay WI (60 days 6 hours ago.)

I'm glad to see that my article is making you aware of the "list" of issues waiting to tear apart a couple in the most high expectation relationship on earth...marriage. My intention was not to depress, but give you some mental recess. You need a break from dealing with the pressures you don't understand because you were never prepared to know anything about marriage. This is an anti marriage society that encourages ignorance before the wedding, and especially after the wedding. I had to create a course called Becoming The Environment Changer to show one spouse how to save their marriage by saving their troubled Chaos Kid. You can get some insight about Chaos Kids at fulfilled couple.  Add a forward slash, blog after com in the address . It may help you see why marriage is really built on the first ten years of your life.

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» left by Anonymous (31 days 2 hours ago.)

My marriage has been dying for the past 7 plus years. Many years before we had problems and I had an affair. But we worked hard to repair things, had two wonderful kids, and many happy years during which I tried very hard to support my husband in every way possible. Then, my husband grew unhappy with his job, dissatisfied with everything ---me, the amount of time the kids required, everything. Over the past seven plus years we have endured my husband's affair with a younger woman. two years of constant lies, a change in his job and income, the loss of my younger brother, the graduation of both of our kids, turning 50, my mother growing older and less capable--I have handled all of these things alone, without a partner to hug or comfort me. My husband is totally focused on himself and his jobs. He does very little around the house, the masterbedroom (his now) is a wreck, his office is unuseable, and all he can see is himself. He, of course, claims otherwise---but words are cheap and actions prove otherwise. When the affair originally occured, I turned myself inside out to shw him how much I cared. I lost 35 pounds, I wrote him letters, I made myself available to him---he didn't care about any of that. Over time, I shifted into cruise control. I am now tired of sleeping alone and being alone. My kids and friends have gotten me through the past few years. I am an optimistic person by nature and try to appreciate all I DO have, but I am sad and alone and I want more out of life than taking care of things and cleaning up to someone I am not even sure I like any more. I gave willingly for more than 20 years and appreciate all we had---but the kids are grown and that is all in the past now. How can living this way be better than living alone? AT least then I would possibly have the opportunity to meet someone.

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» left by Larry Bilotta (28 days 2 hours ago.)

Here's my question for those of you who have posted comments on my article, and also anyone who reads the article in the future...

 

How long do we remain ignorant of what makes marriages work?

 

My message is simple: Troubled childhoods create troubled marriages. If your mother/ father did not give you the attention, concern, conversation, affection, interest you needed in those first ten years, in fact, if they instead ignored you, made everyone else more important than you, criticized you, abused you or any combination of these, you are in for (like I was) a troubled marriage NO MATTER WHO YOU MARRY.

 

In your brain's synaptic connections, you carry the instructions of relationship destruction. Only the strongest willed among us could possibly beat these monsters down and maintain a mutually nurturing relationship when life normal troubles hit our front doors.

 

I wish I was preaching to the choir but there is no choir, unless you consider the small band of marriage educators at the smart marriage site. America still shows no signs they want to learn how to be married before or after the wedding. The majority of us still insist we should get "love" without doing much for it. My point is, if your childhood was troubled, you won't have much "love" to give anyone, especially a spouse. Of all the marriages I've helped, I have rarely seen a troubled one with two people from great parents. It's virtually every time, where one of those spouses came from a pain filled childhood. If you want to know exactly how this works, you can get a copy of my Invisible Lifestyle by doing a quick search in google for it.

 

I hope this helps those of you who feel lost, confused and hopeless in your marriage. Get the help you need before you decide you've married the right person.

 

- Larry

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