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A writer friend said to me recently, “You know, Deirdre, it’s great that you write humor and all, because, well – humor is funny – but you’re missing all the action sitting at your card table writing about real life! Face it, no one is interested in laughing anymore; you need to be a little more cutting edge – you should write about politics!" Well, I thought about it, and decided, what the heck. My friend is probably right. Forget the humor. So, readers, here is my first column on the critically important current political topics being debated in this great land of ours.
Cutting-edge, devisive political issue #1: Immigration. First important topic. Now, I get most of my information from commercials for political TV talk shows featuring high-tech graphics with swirly hosts’ names coming right at you through your TV screen, and here is what I have been able to glean when it comes to immigration: talk show hosts have almost impossible hair. I mean, have you seen it? The women have hair that I haven’t achieved on my best hair day, and the men have thick 20-year-old hair on top of 40-year-old faces. That’s just wrong. Have the hair and the face match so we can concentrate on the news! Also, why can’t they get the spelling and content on the news tickers that run across the bottom of the screen right? I’m tired of reading “news" like: BRITNEY SPEARS DEFENDS K. FEDERLINE FROM RUMORS OF POOR CLOTHING LINE, SAYS SHE WILL MOST LIKELY PARTY THROUGH MOST OF ’06. What?? Actually, maybe that one is right. Anyhow, I hope this has clarified my views on immigration.
Cutting-edge, devisive political issue # 2: What hairstyle does Hillary Clinton really have? Sometimes her hair is puffy and styled, and sometimes it is flat and pasted to her head. Why? I mean, mine is also exactly like this, but I’m not going to be running for president someday. What will world leaders think when she slumps into the UN with that crazy hair? It is critically important that we have a world leader with hair we can count on.
Cutting-edge, devisive political issue #3: Americans get more and more information from blogging and the internet. This is true, but we have to use some discretion here: when you are reading entries on a blog regarding NATO treaties or Homeland Security by someone whose blog name is DAISY DUKES or HOTTIE FROM RENO you might want to look up their “facts" in an actual encyclopedia for acuracy – you remember encyclopedias; they’re the books that match that are holding up your basement shelves. Sadly, American kids do a lot of their research for school on the internet: our rule of thumb is to shy away from research informational sites that also offer free ringtone downloads or discounted trips to Aruba. Lets face it – the internet is only truly utilized when you are placing your American Idol vote or guessing the lucky briefcase on “Deal or No Deal." (Score, Howie Mandel!)
Cutting-edge, devisive political issue #4: we are a highly polarized nation politically. This may be true, but it it important that no matter what our views, we get out and vote. And this is hard to do when you don’t know it is Election Day. You know that feeling when you are happily buzzing through town and you see a gaggle of devoted, smiling, possibly sandal-clad people smiling and waving a sign right at you, striving to make significant eye-contact with you through your windshield? You know how you then either: 1) look away, pretending to fuss with your radio dial, or 2)give the thumbs-up, even though you have no clue who their candidate is, and what office they are running for? It’s the same feeling you have when you drive by your child’s school at night and see cars parked for miles, clearly attending some program you should absolutely be at, but instead you have McDonald’s fries in your lap and a Blockbuster release in your purse. So we as a nation must show up for Election Day and school events – I think that liberal or conservative, we can all depend on that.
I hope you all have benefitted from my political insight; this is obviously just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my thoughts on politics. Political writing is hard! I may just go back to humor – or maybe I can break into the news-ticker-writing business!
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Deirdre Reilly is a syndicated humorist and author of " Exhausted Rapunzel - Tales of Modern Castle Life. " Visit her website at www.exhaustedrapunzel.com.
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