As you well know, there’s a stereotype about older, probably divorced men dating younger women. Sometimes much younger. The worn-out story tells about a guy in his late 30’s or older looking to “trade in" his wife on a “younger model". Think of a 23 or 24 year old “hottie" and you are on the right track, but don’t rule out anyone (or anything) female who is “legal" (read: “18 or older"). Basically, such a guy is in search of an “arm ornament".
What an insult.
One time when I still had an online profile posted, I received an email from a spunky, redheaded, and very cute eighteen-year-old girl (yeah, I said “girl", not “woman"). After a lengthy rant in email form about how “all the guys her own age were boring" and such, she announced she wanted to “settle down and have about ten kids or so". Considering she had spent what must have been a half-hour composing this message to me, I felt somewhat obligated to at least respond (a belief which I by no means impose upon those of you reading this, incidentally). Although tempted to reply with one of my typical single-liners (in this case, “You lost me at ‘hello’"), I went the more pragmatic route.
I explained that I was flattered, and I was sure she was a wonderful, albeit verbose person. But at 39 years of age I doubted I had ten more kids tucked away in my future.
One of you guys out there reading this is currently throwing something at your computer monitor and exclaiming, “WHAT? Are you NUTS?" I assure you that I am perfectly sane.
Oh yeah.
You see, I have a hypothesis that you may find particularly interesting in its irony. I firmly believe that most, if not all older men who obsess about dating girls younger than legal drinking age have something in common: they CAN’T do so. That’s right—any older man who actually CAN get a date with a very young woman will quickly tire of it. It’s the old philosophy at work here called “getting kills wanting". Sure, young women are cuties and all. But to tell you the truth, if I am going to be babysitting anyone, I’d rather get paid for it than shelling out the bucks myself for a date. Know what I mean?
Oh sure, I’ve dated my share of younger women over the past few years. As a guy in my late thirties I did my darnedest to justify it, even giving several women about 25 or 26 an honest shot thinking they were “exceptionally mature". In the end, they weren’t.
As you might imagine, the thought of dating younger women eventually gave way to more rational thought. Finally, after more “lab testing" than I care to mention, I happened upon a more innovative frame of mind that has yet to fail me.
So, what is the “silver bullet"?
Like many things I talk about around here, it’s disarmingly simple: I have realized that the greatest find in the world is a woman closer to my age who seems exceptionally young for her age.
Really now, how can you miss with this approach? If I am with a 35 year old woman who still gets carded routinely because she seems 23, I’ve beaten the “system" (whatever that means). In such a person, I find all of the vibrant, youthful, enthusiastic beauty of a younger woman wrapped in the mature persona of a REAL woman who can relate with me to the mid-80’s. What more could a guy want?
Now, for all of you women out there who are reading this and offended…stay that way. Why? Because you somehow read that I want a woman who looks 12 years younger than she is, and it’s an exceptionally rare woman who can pull that off.
Granted. That’s why I was careful to say “seems 23" instead of “looks 23". Everyone, man or woman, has control over how he or she chooses to act. Whoever you are, keep an adventurous, fun attitude of enjoyment toward what life has to offer and you will absolutely, positively be sending all the right messages. Now if you take care of yourself physically and stay away from the “free radicals" that a life of hardcore partying hands down, so much the better. But that said, the vast majority of what we are discussing here comes down to attitude.
So make no mistake…a woman CAN give a man her own age exactly what he is looking for. It’s just tragic that most women DON’T do so, causing so many older guys to look to younger woman for the excitement they crave.
And guys, the same holds true for us. Sure, grow UP. Be mature, have things handled and don’t act like an immature little boy. But never, ever lose that sparkle in your eye. Keep the youthful excitement about life and a healthy sense of adventure and you’ll literally mesmerize women.
How cool is all of this, right? Great. Now go deserve what you want.
Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications
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Want to hear more? Scot McKay is a dating coach in San Antonio, TX and founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the new book “Deserve What You Want", and hosts the popular podcast series “X & Y On The Fly". Sign up for the newsletter at http://www.dating-advice.us/ or http://www.datetoorder.com and receive a FREE GIFT. The podcast series is also available for free at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly .
Scot McKay is a character-based dating and seduction coach, online dating consultant, talk show host and founder of X & Y Communications. He lives in San Antonio, TX with his wife and co-conspirator Emily (whom he met online), three kids and two hairless terriers. Scot's brand new program for men who want to be more successful with women is The Leading Man. His EduMcKaytion blog is found at http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog.
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» left by Sarah from Seattle (1 year 233 days ago.)
Thanks, Scott. Your words brought tears to my eyes. I'm the kind of woman you describe-- I look/act much younger. I was seriously dating, when a much younger woman set her sights on my guy-I suspect as more a power trip than anything else, (didn't begin to pursue him until she learned of our relationship). Well, she got to him, and now I feel old . If only every man thought like you!
» left by Scot McKay from San Antonio (1 year 233 days ago.)
Sarah:
Plenty of us do think like that, and I'm doing my part to increase the population.
Congratulations on being a rare woman. That doesn't go unappreciated for long. If you'd like, sign up for our newsletter at the address shown at the bottom of the article and I'll send a free copy of Deserve What You Want to the address you sign up with. Thanks for making my day...I live for knowing I've helped someone.
» left by Lynn (1 year 221 days ago.)
I would also like to say thanks for your comment. I have been in a three year relationship with a guy who is 44 now, I am 30 "something" ;). I feel, and have been told many times that I look in my 20's..I got carded the other night as a matter of a fact. But, he decided to have an affair with a 23 year old. Now it seems he wants to make things work with me. I just don't trust him now. So what is it with wanting to be with a 23 yo. Is it just the thoughts of being with someone that age? I pride myself in my looks and take good care of myself. But this has really done a number on my self esteem. I just had a boob job 2 days ago, probably more because of how his infidelity has affected me. Can you trust someone after an affair with a 20 yo? Will they always want someone that age now? Respond to this comment
» left by Scot McKay (1 year 221 days ago.)
Lynn, the last thing that should be happening is to have someone else in the driver's seat when it comes to your self-esteem. I know little about your situation, but the man you have been with is a cheater at the baseline level and he is not having a positive impact on your life otherwise. We talk a lot around here about deserving what you want in life, and the question is about what you want. Know what that is and deserve it. Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (351 days 23 hours ago.)
I'm dating a guy 24yrs older than myself, I'm 22. I don't see anything strange or complicated with this relationship. Yes the way I met him was through my parents but if they don't feel weird, and either do we what is the problem with this. It doesn't matter how I look (I am very attractive) It's about our feelings for each other. Age is not the problem with peoples relationships, it's the foundations on which they are built!!! Get over the number!!! Face it if the relationship is meant to be it will. If not it will end no matter how big an age difference there is!!! Respond to this comment
» left by Kaly (345 days ago.)
Hello im 25,he's 57,we have been friends for over 3 years,and now we have become best freind's.He's just a wonderful person,smart,very mature and sensitive.
I met him on the net Agelesscupid three years ago. I am now a happy woman who is deeply in love and planning a wedding ceremony before the end of this year by the grace of God. Respond to this comment
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