How often have we been in a disagreement, only to stand our ground on, "It’s not me?" The truth is that each person engaged in a disagreement or an argument shares some level of, "Yes, that was me." We may be upset about something and take our feelings out on another person. These can be family, friends, and even strangers that cross our path. We may be unaware that when asked a question, we are rude and arrogant, as we are thinking about what’s bothering us.
We may pick at every little thing that doesn’t bother us at other times. We want the pressure we feel while going through a hard time, to explode and escape, on whomever is unlucky enough to be around us at that time. Our words may be okay, but our tone may not. No one wants to be talked down to or called nasty names, or be brought back to "reminisce" about the past. It is negative energy at it’s worst.
There are many ways we can adjust our thinking to better coincide with another on a subject. One that doesn’t cause bad feelings or negative responses. One that owns up to the fact that we have said or done something that has hurt someone else, and we need to stop doing that. Sticking to just the facts is a wonderful way to stay neutral in an argument or disagreement. Thinking our response through before blurting it out, and giving ourselves time to put together a valid fact sheet of pros and cons to what we may say with another.
This allows us to actually stifle some cursing or alleviate some name calling, and both parties are better off for it. We can remove ourselves from the other person or persons, and let things cool down before saying anything further. We can distract, or think of pleasant things while being degraded or sworn at-same thing really. Both hurt. We can apologize for things we might have said, and listen to the other person’s point of view. This leads to more of an understanding than a fight.
No two people think exactly alike at the same time. Therapy is a good thing to embark on to help us learn better ways to think, act, and react. We should go to work on our ownselves and many times, others will follow our lead. Relationships can get better, and violent or viscous arguments will cease. Parents can use this philosophy of no swearing, and no name calling, just the facts, in altercations we undoubtedly will have with them.
We would do well to give ourselves a minute or two before we say anything that may cause more harm. If we find a way, we can try it, but if we just want to blame the other person, and cry out, "It’s not me", the argument is lost. Someone else may have perpetuated a bad feeling that turns into an argument, but we are responsible on how we react to their actions. That part is us! When alcohol is involved, it is definitely best to part ways until things return to "normal."
Talking things through when sober, and having had enough time to digest what it is we want to say, and in what manner, is definitely up to "us." If we find our efforts are working, then arguments are going to be settled in a more productive and less violent and vindictive way. If we treat others the way we want to be treated, our part of the world will be more positive, and happier. Even the best of people make mistakes. Learning how to mend those mistakes allows us to then feel loved, appreciated, and wanted.
If others see themselves in this depiction, you could try the "time out" and distracting and saying things in a kinder, gentler way. Life doesn’t go on forever so we may as well try to use the brains God gave us to live in the happiest and most positive manner. If everyone took responsibility for their thoughts and actions, and made an effort to change them to a better way, we would all live happier lives. It all starts with an awareness.
If you could identify with anything written above, and become aware of the sore spots of your personality that are damaging, you have the power and the brains to change them. Change is difficult, and every new thing takes time, which is why the "stop" skill is usually the best. "Stop" yourself from running at the mouth, and think before you speak. You don’t have to react to negativity right away. The mind is a terrible thing to waste. We have been given the intelligence to figure these things out, even if we may need help. The ones who get it, will definitely live happier and healthier lives.