Whether you like Trump or not... he got our attention. He woke us all up. Thanks for that. Turns out Washington has been quite busy... we didn't know, we haven't been paying attention. Now we are. Yes there really is a big damn swamp up there.
Thing is... about a swamp, if you have been living there you had to learn survival in all that stink. Trump gets it. He is a bonafide swamp navigator! You had to swim in it because it was part of the game. Everyone in it...smelled it. Now we have. All us humans woke up and took a sniff... and it was just putrid, nasty.
Lesson (1) Well, as it turns out, we hired all you people ... sort of like your landlord. Here's the deal, clean up your rooms, the house and the yard or find another place to work. It's that simple. We can't tolerate the stink you caused.
But here is the upside: We forgive you. You aren't going to prison. In fact, we would like to re-hire you! You all know where the stink is coming from and we want you to tell us the truth, literally come clean and help us drain this swamp and build something better in its place. Americans are great people. We are not going to shoot you for surviving. It stunk. We understand. But it has gotten too dirty for us and unfortunately it has to be drained before we can clean the damn thing. So here are the simplest swamp cleaning instructions we can give you. There are six directives appearing on the final exam. This is how we, your employers... are measuring your grade. And by the way, there is a midterm test in six months so you will need to get busy immediately or you will never pass this class.
Cleaning the Swamp Instructions
1. We know the place is full of pedophiles. The Catholic church has a serious Priest problem (we smell it) and Hollywood is stinking the place up too. We get it. We have been sleeping and don't even know how deep this rabbit hole goes... but you do! If you want to work for us... clean this up. They all need some time off for treatment and therapy. We don't want them making decisions on our behalf. It just ends now. This is real swamp-cleaning shit so pay attention.
2. The Act of 1871 incorporated Washington D.C. into a corporation. It is in fact, not even a part of the United States. We want a government representing us and not a Corporation. This Act must be revoked. We all just discovered this. Been hiding in plain sight since 1871. We have been asleep a long time. Trump woke us up. Now we know. This is a cancer stinking up the place... swamp muck. This Act was insane. We are going back to the Constitution and those inalienable rights you guys pay no attention to. You changed it to your own Corporation and it literally started the swamp and employees the swamp creatures. Shut it down and give us our Constitution.
3. Close down the Federal Reserve Bank. This was one of the corporation's key profit centers and revenue sources. From now on we will print our own money. Forgive them their crimes if they pay off all our debt. This will pay the swamp cleaning invoice. That is about 180 billion a year in just interest. It is just stupid. You borrowed 2.7 trillion dollars on our good name when you could have just printed it. In fact, the entire financial system is the sludge on the bottom of the swamp and every swamp-thing has to grow in it. The fumes from it are rotten. We may have dig this out all the way to bedrock to really clean it.
4. When we looked deeper into the agencies regulating us to death... well we noticed some stuff. It is obvious to us they have evolved into marketing departments for some other Corporations. Aren't we the ones paying you? The FDA is marketing pharmaceuticals, the Department of Agriculture is marketing Monsanto, The Energy and Environmental Departments are marketing oil and all the three-letter-agencies are marketing and consuming the Military Industries' products. This was not our original design. You took what we gave you and turned it into a damn swamp! This mess has contaminated all the swamp water. If you can't sanitize it then shut it down. First try to retool, reset, re-mission the resources. You see, as our long-term employees, you know where all the cracks and crevices are and can find the sources of the stink in a hurry. Do that.
5. When Trump woke us up we finally walked outside and wow, we haven't really looked around in a while. We noticed two things.
A. We aren't blind. We thought some idiots were sky writing but it wasn't skywriting. Somebody is spraying our skies with something. We want this to stop or either the people doing it better have a damn good reason why they are doing it. We found large quantities of this stuff in the swamp water. What the hell is it? Find out. This is serious stuff. Cleaning a swamp does no good if it constantly being sprayed with... who knows what. Find out. Follow the money.
B. When we walked around the neighborhood we found out people don't like us very much. Hell we use to be friends will all these folks and now they don't even want us around. What the hell have you done to make them dislike us so much? Whatever it is, this has to stop immediately. As Americans, we want the world to like us. Have you been doing anything at all to cause them to greet us with a smile and a kiss? That is how we want the world to see us and greet us. Get it? We need to just apologize to the entire neighborhood and clean the slate and the swamp at the same time. We promise to do better. We are great people and willing to show it. Any employee not on board with this needs take early retirement. We despised the way the world looks at us. We have been sleep walking but not on this stroll. People really don't like us. This is wrong. It is not who we are. Find out where this nasty stuff is coming from and stop it. Call it a damn swamp-image audit. Use the satellites to see the image our swamp has been projecting out to everyone. It must be disgusting. Tell them all we are draining it now.
6. We want peace. We are sick of war. We don't care what the hell sort of excuses and justification there is... we just want it to stop. We don't want to fight anymore and we aren't. Tell all our neighbors they can give up the fight because we are done. We are just flat-out sick of war. From now on we are exporting peace. The money we spend on military could do a whole lot of good helping us change our image with the neighbors to something they can love. And by the way, all your employers know some military folks and they are great people. We need to give them a better mission than killing people. We want to start using their great sides instead. Don't fire them, promote them... to deliver peace instead. Get on this immediately. Wars refill the swamp faster than we can drain it.
This is Swamp Cleaning 101 Class. In order to pass and go on to the 201 class you must be able and willing to complete all 6 exercises. If you will not or you cannot then you need a vacation and as Trump would put it.. "You're Fired."
...good ole swamp cleaning. Nothing like it. A career whose time has come.